English Opinion

Hi all. I know I wrote a post a few days ago but aside from that, I have effectively been absent for well over a month. This is because I hve been struggling to cope with my depression and anxiety. Actually, struggling to cope isn’t the phrase to use - not coping would be nearer the mark. I’m currently getting help on the NHS, the British National Health Service, but am no closer to getting counselling. Why? Because I have to do a computer program (CBT - Cognative Behavioural Therapy) first before I can get access to a counsellor. Now I’m sure that there is a reason for that but when you’re feeling like you want to kill yourself every day a computer really does not help at all!

I am slowly but surely starting to get back on my feet and deal with depression. Of course, the economic situation and uncertainty in the Uk at the moment does not help but I am starting to get back into a routine with a few aids and tools. Aside from medication, I’m finding that Yoga helps me to relax no end. I can just float away mentally for a few minutes and return more balance. This is only a temporary fix but it is really helping me to get through tough days. I’m probably going to be writing more on this in the coming weeks so I’m going to leave it there for now (if I’m ever stuck for a topic I’ll have something to talk about!).

I picked up a newspaper at my local store today to see Jade Goody plastered all over the front because the doctors have officially told her that she has only months to live because they cannot stop the cervical cancer spreading. I’ve written about Jade before because she has chosen to make a documentary following her treatment and chemo so we can all see the brutal truth behind cervical cancer. Well, today I felt like crying for her.

Any time I read a story like hers, of a mother with young children that has no choice but to leave them via illness, I feel immense sorrow because I have a very close relationship with my mum. As I have said before, if fate had a different plan in mind, I could have lost her to breast cancer when I was 9 years old. Although I can’t fully feel her pain because I haven’t been through anything similar myself, my heart does go out to her but then I got angry… thanks to the ignorant woman behind me!

This lady had to be 50 years old at least and was loudly dismissing Jade of just being out “for what she can get”. She was denouncing the fact that she is in the newspapers as disgusting and in poor taste. I don’t agree with her one bit. In fact, I think living out an illness like that in the public eye is one of the most selfless acts I have ever witnessed for two reasons.

My mum told me how difficult it was to live with breast cancer in the village I grew up in. She knows what it’s like to have people cross the road to avoid you or ask all sorts of personal questions so they can gossip about you behind your back. Jade Goody is doing that in public, reading people commenting about her and speculating on how long she has left despite being scared to death of not only dying but leaving her boys behind to live their lives without her. She isn’t doing it to preserve her public profile or in a cheap publicity stunt but instead because she wants to earn as much money as she can for her sons and also to raise awareness for other women.

That is selfless because no matter how much she cares about the way people are judging her, and she most definitely does, she cares more about leaving a legacy for her children and helping to raise awareness about cervical cancer, one of the biggest killers of women out there. The lady condemning Jade Goody had probably never lost anyone to breast or cervical cancer or experienced it herself. My mum has experienced it and fully supports any form of raising awareness and I do too.

Please don’t judge Jade Goody… support her and do your bit to raise awareness of cervical cancer. I have written an article on Associated Content about the signs and symptoms of cervical cancer. If you are interested in finding out about them then please use the link on the About page of this blog to take a look at it. It is important that all women find out about it so they are aware of the signs and just how important it is to get checked. Help Jade save one life… even if it sadly cannot be her own.

I wasn’t going to post today initially because I’ve had a really bad day in terms of my depression. I was diagnosed a few months ago and tend to have really good days and really bad ones at the moment with little in between. Today has been a really bad day for me, a dark day that I’m glad to see come to an end.

Someone once told me that doing what I love will help me to pull through this phase of my life and I’m hoping it does but I absolutely love to write and could not imagine doing anything else for a living, but doing what you love is incredibly difficult when you cannot find a focus… a lifeline I guess… to cling to. The most frustrating thing is though that I have no idea why I feel the way I feel. Nothing bad has happened to me today… if it had I could understand it but as it is I can’t because a dark cloud just descended and that was that.

And now for some sleep after my random ramblings because waking up tomorrow may just bring a lighter mood…

I opened a newspaper this morning and read some incredibly sad news: Jade Goody is now undergoing treatment to prolong her life after chemotherapy for cervical cancer failed. Although I don’t usually comment on the world of entertainment, I felt I had to write about Jade and her incredibly brave battle today… if only to draw attention to the realities of living with cancer.

Jade Goody is 27 but was 21 when she first appeared on Big Brother in 2002. She shot to fame as a result of some of things she used to come out with but was a fighter beneath all the crazy comments. She has been her entire life as a result of her less than stable upbringing. However, now she has two boys and every ounce of the strength she has is being put to the test. Sons Bobby (5) and Freddie (4) have barely had time to get to know their mum and not it appears that she will tragically be torn away from them before they hit double figures.

Jade was disgnosed with cervical cancer in August 2008 and was subsequently given a 40% chance of survival given how the cancer had affected the cells. She gave numerous interviews about her situation in the hope that other women would take notice of just how much cervical cancer can affect their lives, stating how important it is to get checked for abnormal cells via a smear. She also made a record of the struggle as she went for TV to raise awareness and also let her boys know exactly how hard their mum had fought to stay with them. All the time she was strongly asserting that she would survive, that she would eventually get free of cancer and live out her days happy with her boys… unfortunately that doesn’t seem possible for her now because the likelihood is she won’t make it after the cancer spread into her liver, bowel and groin. She hasn’t even been given a percentage survival rate.

Jade Goody is a fighter so I am absolutely certain that she will cling on to life as long as possible. I hope that her struggle and fight for life will succeed but if it doesn’t then I really hope that her documentation of it all will help at least one other person by rasing awareness of the condition. We all need to know about cervical cancer, breast cancer, testicular cancer and other forms that are life threatening if only so we can recognise the signs and symptoms and implement checks. My mother had breast cancer twice and, as a result of her amazing fight and amazing teaching, I have been checking my breasts every month since I was 11. Too many women don’t though. Too many women do not turn up for scheduled smears because they feel violated, do’t like the idea of it or just can’t be bothered to go. When it comes to your health and detecting cancer early, a few seconds of feeling violated is well worth it.

I am Jade’s age. I am 27. I wouldn’t want to die yet so I can’t even begin to imagine how she is feeling staring death in the face on a daily basis. Brave, brave lady. Jade, I wish you luck and incredible strength in the coming months. I hope that you will be able to help others survive cancer and also hope that you can do so yourself. Good luck girl, keep fighting!

I was told this morning that the mother of one of my oldest friends had died overnight. She was only 45 and it came as a bit of a shock. I’ve written before about how precious life is and how we cannot take it for granted in society in general, whether it is a baby being abused or an elderly person unable to afford heating. However, today I sent my condolances to my friend and the rest of her family because I truly felt for them. I knew Mandy, the lady that passed on, from the age of 2-ish because we always live in the same village and I was the same age as her oldest daughter. I can’t imagine how they must be feeling but I came close to being able to identify with them at the age of 9.

That was the age at which my mum found out she had breast cancer… for the first time.

My mum has had breast cancer twice, once when I was 9 and again when I was 11… twice within 18 months to be exact. She was 32 and 34. She told my brother and I everything she could about what was going on without mentioning the dreaded C word so we’d think everything was OK. She had radiotherapy, chemotherapy and also had to have her ovaries removed. She was strong and wasn’t about to leave two young children behind. I know some women don’t have a choice about that but I’m convinced her will to live helped her recovery. She is well and truly my hero. I’ve always looked up to her and admired her. I always cry when I think about what she went through, just like I am now, but I also get a little scared because I couldn’t have imagined my life without her.

I remember that she actually brushed out her hair as soon as it started to fall out because she was going to lose it sooner or later so wanted it on her terms. I remember that she was sick every day for a week after the chemo because the cocktail of drugs was that strong. I remember that she was still always there for us, no matter what and would come to my netball matches in her wig. I remember that her nose always bled and she bruised easily but she stll played with us and read us our bedtime story. I remember how she never cried and always carried on with life as normal. i also remember how she never allowed it to affect our childhood.

I also remember how I found out at 16 that she had cancer and how much I cried because I couldn’t bear to think of my mum going through all that pain and suffering.

She never put herself first. We were always first, and we still are. My life would have been very different without her. I wouldn’t have gotten through the bullying at school. I wouldn’t have been able to cope with all the health problems I have had over the last couple years. Of course, my dad is amazing as well but there are some things that mothers are more equipped to handle and crying teenagers isn’t one of them! Some of my extended family have been less than supportive recently. In fact, they haven’t even tried to understand what I’m going through, choosing to be nasty and talking about me behind my back instead. My mum and dad haven’t though. Not once, and I love them for it.

My mum is an absolutely amazing woman and I am incredibly thankful every day for her being here with me. I tell her I love her every time I see her and after every phone conversation. I speak to her at least once a day, whether face to face or in person and I never, ever take her for granted. I know people that do take their families for granted but after you come so close to losing one of the few people you love most in the world you see things a little differently.

I love you mum. I love you dad. I’m so proud to be your daughter xxx

Get this for a news story - people are going out and stockpiling lightbulbs! I wish I was kidding but I’m not. When I saw the headline on a news site I decided I was going to post about it today because it really is ridiculous in itself. However, when I delved a little further into it I decided I would post it for another reason. Unfortunately the ridiulous is becoming a staple of UK society at the moment because the nanny state we live in under New Labour and Gordon Brown. Not only is he ruining us financially but now he is telling us what type of lightbulbs we can and cannot use in our own homes!

Traditional 100W lightbulbs are apparently going to be banned within the next few years because the European Union has decided that we all have to have the energy saving kind in our homes instead! Yes, you read that right. We are going to be restricted as to what lightbulbs we can use in our own homes. The British government is just passing down the ruling from the EU’s initiative to offset carbon emissions and climate change. Although the government can discourage stores from stocking them at the moment, they cannot force them to stop selling them until 2016 so everyone has a while before they disappear for good.

Although energy efficient bulbs use one fifth of the energy that traditional bulbs do, that adds up to just £7 a year saving and removes free choice. We have them in our home but I have to admit that I hate them. I got some free with a couple of offers available on the Internet and have one in my home office. However, I have to switch it on and leave the room for 10 minutes until it warms up and shines brightly because when it is dim it gives me a headache. If I had to pay for them then I would choose to have them because they are not only expensive to buy but make me feel ill.

There are strong objections to the ban of lightbulbs in favour of energy saving light bulbs because they have been proven to make the 1 in 10 people that have migraines suffer them more frequently. It has also been proven that they can make poor eyesight worse, which may be the reason behind my problem with them. I have a rare eye disease that is a result of a genetic blip, meaning there is no cure for it and I have no choice but to deal with it. However, energy efficient lightbulbs do make my eyes worse! Furthermore, they have been proven to cause seizures because of the constant flickering in the bulb. As such, I feel that the EU and Labour alike are passing down poor health to people as well as laws about lightbulbs!

I’m all for saving the environment but I find some of the legislation and rulings on the issue absolutely ridiculous. For example, environmentalists say the positives of this outweigh the negatives but I cannot see it. I would never sacrifice someone’s health for the sake of statistics, which is all the lightbulbs are. How much of a difference will they make if they use little energy and only save homeowners £7 a year? They are dim, migraine and seizure inducing… and the £7 you save on energy bills will be eclipsed by the extra money you have to spend when you buy them because they’re so expensive! Furthermore, they have no right to tell us what we can and cannot do in our own homes. They’re lightbulbs for crying out loud! Ridiculous!!!

I would say that we’ll all be forced to use candles instead soon enough, but then I suppose they “experts” will find that candles give out some sort of gas that’s harmful to the environment when lit as well so bang goes that theory!

You would think that the government and the people that seem to be ruling our lives in the European Union would prefer to focus on bigger issues like the global recession and individual crumbling economies but apparently not!

I read through some of my posts earlier and it really seems like I’m moaning a lot lately. Well, I’m going to continue moaning if these idiots prefer to focus on telling us what to do than helping us to survive the credit crunch. After all is it not against our human rights to dictate our choices in life and what we can do in our own homes? Human rights… now there’s an issue I’ll probably moan about in the coming months as well! 

Sharon Shoesmith, the now renowned former Head Of Children’s Services at Haringey council, is to appeal against the decision to sack her in the wake of the Baby P child abuse case. It has been well documented that the report into the death of Baby P as ordered by Children’s Secretary Ed Balls was incredibly damning and criticised Shoesmith’s department for the whole affair. We all rejoiced when she was fired, but now it appears that se wants her cushing £110,000 a year job backand intends to appeal.

Just one question - has this woman got no shame?

Sharon Shoesmith and her department failed to act upon indications that horrific child abuse was occurring in Baby P’s home. They were more concerned about ticking boxes. Shoesmith and her department failed to do what they were paid to do - protect children from such child abuse - and yet she had the gall to release a statement that she was happy with the way her department acted and that everyone had done their jobs. Baby P died the most horrific and tortured death so she was lying. They all obviously failed. Sharon Shoesmith effectively only cared about one thing and that was covering her own backside and saving her own job so she could live in her cushy apartment and enjoy her life. It is a shame that Baby P will never get that chance.

Shoesmith did not apologise once for her Haringey department. She simply waved graphs and statistics in our faces as if Baby P’s life and tragic death did not matter. Well, it is not good enough. She may appeal the decision but if ever she gets her job back or the large payoff that she thinks she deserves then the government will face a huge revolt. Shoesmith may not have been the monster that killed that little boy but she is just as guilty of neglect as anyone else involved in the whole sorry matter.

Sharon Shoesmith is an arrogant, self-righteous individual that should never ever be placed in charge of a goldfish let alone a child. Start the campaign again! Make sure that nobody ever has to suffer the same abuse through the same willful box ticking neglect that Baby P did. Keep Shoesmith out of work and away from the people she is incapable of protecting. 

It has been 3 days since the second of the British conjoined twins tragically lost her fight for survival. Hope and Faith Williams have captured the hearts of the nation and many mourn for them as well as offering sympathy to their parents, Aled and Laura Williams. Hope and Faith were undoubtedly aptly named and have definitely provided us all with something to think about. However, I am absolutely disgusted to see a debate raging about whether or not Laura Williams should have chosen to abort Hope and Faith in the early stages of her pregnancy. Not only is it wholly inappropriate given that the Williams family are grieving for their daughters but it is also inappropriate because the choice to have an abortion is nobody else’s business but theirs.

When Laura went for her 12 week scan, she was told that Hope and Faith were conjoined and stood a 25% chance of survival should they make it through the birth. Laura Williams was also informed that she may never have children if she chose to go ahead with the pregnancy. Despite the doctors’ warnings, the Williams’ decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and Hope and Faith were born 8 months later. They weighed up the advice of the doctors and their own thoughts on the matter and decided not to opt for an abortion on moral grounds. That was wholly their decision and they should neither be condemned or judged as a result of that. If Laura and Aled are anti-abortion then why should they be forced into one? They were warned that they may have disabled children and that their daughters may not even survive but they took that chance knowingly and willingly. That chance very nearly paid off as Faith was getting better at one stage. However, even in the wake of the deaths of Hope and Faith Williams, their parents maintain that they would not change a thing, so why now are the press so interested?

There are many reasons why women choose not to have abortions. They believe it is invasive, that it is murder, that it is immoral, that their children deserve a chance at life… That is every woman’s perogative. I am pro-choice rather than pro-life. I am not against abortion provided that it is not used as a form of contraception. I don’t think women should be guilted into keeping a baby that they neither want nor can look after because men believe it to be murder (and by men I mean those in government that keep trying to force through anti-abortion laws, those same men that will never have to make that choice). Neither do I think that a woman should be forced to keep a rapist’s baby. If she chooses to do so then that is entirely her choice. Every baby should be wanted and loved but no woman should be forced to keep a baby that is neither.

Having said that, I support the Williams’ decision to keep Hope and Faith. They should never be judged on the weight of that decision. The girls were their children, no matter what, and I defy any individual that has never been through such a horrible decision to categorically state what they would or would not have done had they been in their shoes. I know two people that have opted for abortions and cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to go through it, but both of my friends feel now that they made the right decision. I also know someone that was advised to have an abortion on health grounds and chose not to. She is now glad she made that decision too. I cannot say what I would have done in any of those situations but I would never judge my friends because they did or did not abort their babies.

There but for the grace of God go we all… It would be wise to stop judging them because you never know what the future has in store for you. Furthermore, every woman should be able to choose what to do with her body and I personally would hate to be told what to do by anyone else, especially those men that have no clue what every woman goes through when pregnant!

A TV show will be aired on the Sky Real Lives channel tonight that promises to be deeply controversial. Some applaud its broadcast whilst others have branded it a publicity stunt. I fall into the former category. The show will screen the death of a former professor, Craig Ewert. Mr Ewert, aged 59 at the time of his death, chose to end his own life by travelling to the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland for an assisted suicide.

The Swiss clinic operates within the laws of the country and has helped many people to die. However, before I go any further I would like to point out that Dignitas has a strict policy and will not help anyone that has not made his or her own decision. There are numerous tests and counselling sessions before an assisted suicide is performed to ensure that the individual in question is absolutely certain that he or she wants to die.

Craig Ewert lived in North Yorkshire and enjoyed a full life. He had a wife and children. He had also been diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease, which effectively rendered him a prisoner in his own body. Not only did he decide that he had no quality of life and did not want to die a horible and painful death but he also decided that he wanted to depart this life on his own terms. His  intention was to educate people about assisted suicide, which is why he chose to consent to his death being filmed before he took a cocktail of drugs.

I understand that people have very strong views on assisted suicide and I am one of those people. I also understand that people will disagree with me and I do not intend to change anyone’s views. What I want to say probably goes against religion and social values but, from personal experience, I know I would prefer to take my own life than die a death that is absolutely horrific. I worked in a nursing home for several years and cared for several people that had Huntingdon’s Disease. I also cared for someone with Motor Neurone Disease and several people with Multiple Sclerosis. I saw how they suffered. Many of them lost the use of their bodies whilst the mind was still active. They could not control their bodily functions and were in horrific pain every waking moment. One had tried to commit suicide several times whilst he was still able but failed because he did not have the Dignitas option of assisted suicide open to him. They all lost their dignity, their self respect and their pride bit by bit.

I watched a woman speak of pallative care on the news today and, whilst care is possible to ensure people can live their lives to a certain extent, that does not apply to everyone. These horrible diseases are not akin to strokes, arthritis and heart attacks. They degrade and diminsh. They eventually take everything from you. If someone wants to live until they die naturally through a disease then that is their right but if they want to have the choice about when and where they die so that they do not suffer then that is also their choice and I do not believe that anyone has the right to take that away.

Of course there will be abuses of any laws allowing assisted suicide but if the process someone has to go through to die is so rigorous then those cases would be weeded out. Dignitas has managed that so the argument against assisted suicide as a result of that is redundant. Not everyone has to believe in it, but we all have freedom and should be able to exercise our right to that if we want to die. Take Daniel James, for example. The 23 year old from Nuneaton visited Dignitas for an assisted suicide after he was paralysed from the chest down. He felt he had no qualty of life and his parents could not pursuade him otherwise. They will not face charges over it because it is “not in the public interest”. They helped him go to the clinic out of love and put aside their own selfishes wishes that he would change his mind. Of course they did not want their son to die but it was his choice.

I just hope that the TV programme tonight encourages people to open their minds a little and put theirselves in the place of Craig Ewert. Others like him may want to live until the bitter end, and good for them if they do, but he did not. It was his life and his choice to end it. Whilst nobody should be made to end their lives, if someone wants to through disease and severe disability then we should respect their decision and applaud their bravery rather than turning them into the bad guy.

Last week, conjoined twins were born at Great Ormond Street hospital in London. They were born to 18 year old Laura Williams, the youngest mother ever to give birth to conjoined twins, on 26th November and were joined at the chest. Although the twin girls, Hope and Faith, had their own hearts and lungs, they shared a liver and were expected to undergo surgery when they were a few weeks older to separate them. Unfortunately, an intestinal blockage resulted in deteriorating health for both of the girls and an emergency 12 hour operation to separate them.

Although Faith is now stable and breathing with the aid of a respirator, poor little Hope Williams could not breathe on her own and died last night in the ars of her parents. My heart goes out to Laura Williams and her husband. Advised to have an abortion when she was found to be carrying conjoined twins, Laura Williams had a difficult decision to make. She decided to keep her babies and hope that the fantastic medical care available at Great Ormond Street would work its magic and safeguard the health of her two miracle babies. Every mother faced with such a difficult decision deserves support and understanding, and now more than ever the Williams family needs our thoughts and prayers.

RIP little Hope Williams. You just weren’t strong enough and I hope that you are at peace now. I also hope with all of my heart that Faith Williams pulls through and goes on to lead a long and happy life. Her parents and sister’s memory deserve it and, most of all, so does she.

Williams family, my thoughts are with you. I hope you have the strength to get through this troubled time and that your Faith holds strong, in more ways than one.